At
home, 65 centimeters exist between my eyes and the surface in front of me when
I stand to pee. In most public washrooms, urinals are attached to a blank,
boringly surfaced wall. That wall is typically
spaced about 35 cm away. Sometimes there is a framed picture, many times
an ad, hung up to attract us, the pee-standing population. If there is some
depth in the image, a slight sense of relief accompanies the process of
relieving my bladder. In rare occasions there is a ledge at chest height that
adds a welcome sense of space. In even rarer installations, there is a small
window.
I've
been enjoying the freedom of pee-standing forever, really. However, at times I
simply get tired of the small accidents or even the occasional harmless
splatter. As clean as I have always been, the stray drops that escape me
accumulate in hidden gaps and get on my nerves. For a few years I managed to
stick to pee-sitting. A seemingly small sacrifice for the sake of bathroom
wellbeing. But temptations are not restricted to erotic avenues. One of my
fantasies is to install a urinal at home.
However,
the one I really
want is just way too expensive, at least for the time being. So I stick my
stick through the zipper and enjoy my musings in front of the blinded window in
our humble bathroom. This morning for instance, I was wondering about the
pattern of light that formed on one of the slats facing me. Light waves
generate intriguing projections thanks to a variety of phenomena. When I
thought of taking a picture of the light pattern, it occurred to me that until
I set up the tripod and attach my camera on to it, the sun will move and the
pattern might vanish with it. Still, which of the four cell-phones at our
disposal would be best for the task? Why not try all? So yes. By the time I got
to the fourth device, the projection changed.
Thankfully,
none of the phones dropped into the toilet.
I
grew up sensing that sex is not a topic of discussion. A tension
between fascination and secrecy surrounded any mention of words related
to sex. More than shame, embarrassment was the basic reaction I remember
noticing around me. You just don't talk about it.
When
I was in grade 4 the nurse came to talk with us about puberty. The most
that she managed was to ask the class to be quiet and listen. The
content of her talk has never registered in my memory. Kids around me
were giggling and poking each other. I remember myself as a naive and
curious boy. I wanted to hear a bit about this process that I already
started to feel happening in me. The nurse never covered any topic of
significance. If anything, she might have been just as nervous as the
rest of my class.
My
only claim to knowing better than when I was in grade 4 is having a
grade 5 daughter. When she told me about the nurse that was about to
talk with them about puberty, I thought "What is it about that poor
nurse having to talk with kids in school about sex?".
There
seems to be a social cloudiness surrounding issues of body, sex and
sexuality. Talking about our intimate body areas involves … intimacy;
the emotional journey our kids are going through or are about to go
through is different with every kid and family; the availability of
information today is both a blessing and a risk. In light of the layered
difficulties surrounding the topic, the formal delivery of education
relating to sex and sexuality is probably not enough. It's not that I
have anything against the nurse talking with kids about puberty. From
the handout I saw, it all looked pretty useful.
Then
it struck me. Sex is fun. Sexuality is all about life. The school nurse
usually deals with injuries and emergency. This ties too well with the
apparent difficulty we have in society to discuss the intimate issues of
life. I think we are capable of delivering a much more positive message
to the audience we care most about.
We
don't have to force that message upon them. Usually kids don't talk or
don't want to talk much about what's going on in school. But when they
do try to engage in conversation it looks to me like a good idea to be
prepared. A workshop with a professional sex educator is one way of
having a healthy discussion that can also be fun. We all have different
ways of raising kids. We all have questions and advice. But when it
comes to sex, a professional educator can help in dissolving the cloud
surrounding this topic. The workshop is a stepping stone in a journey
that can be exploratory yet safe.
How
much practice does any of us have in life to talk about sex in a
serious yet fun way? A sex educator has exposure to the experiences of
many people. This exposure allows for uniquely individual questions to
be addressed based on the wealth of a broad reference.
As
I was thinking of raising the issue at our PAC meeting, a quick search
resulted in a variety of options. There are many books out there and
also web pages that provide reviews of such books. When I typed 'sex
educators BC' I didn't have to sift through endless porn sites as I had
anticipated. But then, as the days went by, "my topic" became a news
item. One weekend I read an article by an awarded journalist. The next
weekend covered the Ontario clash around the new Sex Ed curriculum.
Here
in BC, there are already calls to revisit and possibly review it. But
until that happens, parents of kids who are currently in elementary
school need more immediate solutions. We can employ available resources
as a group for the benefit of our own family as well as society at
large.
Instead
of worrying, I observe life as it presents itself to me. My own past is
merely a reference point. When it comes to providing a healthy
launching pad for my daughter, my observations turn into insights and
guidance. Our school and its PAC provide an extended opportunity to
nurture a broader connection. That connection itself provides the base
for the healthy sex ed we are all hoping for.
