Since my previous post, Marylee and I have shared a few interesting experiences. At the Burnaby Public Library I saw her talk about "Life from the Land". Then came Balcony Tales by Helle Windeløv-Lidzélius. Marylee saw it in DOXA. Anat and I watched it at home. Birders: The Central Park Effect by Jeffrey Kimball made me take the DVD from the library and have a home screening for the lot of us, Marylee, Anat, Inbal and I.
Our day in North Vancouver. Monday, May 18th 2015
Monday, May 18th was a bright, partly cloudy day. Inbal was handed a spare pair of binoculars and we headed towards a small pond where the ducks were doing their job caring for a bunch of ducklings that were past the chick stage. It is truly magical to watch the view magnified several times through the binoculars. It's not a bad idea to remind a ten year old about some safety issues such as removing the binoculars from the eye while walking and such.
Between the four locations marked on the map there was much walking and watching. We didn't return home as fanatic birders but the fun of watching birds and hearing stories about them will stay with us. One of the highlights was the reminder that birds are everywhere in the city. Marylee wanted to show us a hanging nest she's seen the other day on 5th. When we got there she realized that the tree must be a block or two away. But then Inbal noticed another hanging nest on a tree beside us. We got there just as the parents were feeding their chicks, which were probably just a little more excited to be fed than us observing the excitement.
Still, the presence of humans in the environment and their influence on it always raise the awareness of the challenges wildlife face in their survival. Our own passive form of watching movies about nature and wildlife is just one step in caring for a balance in ecosystems. Some of the Central Park birders of New York express an awareness to how bizarre they might look to "outsiders". I think we should keep in mind that there would always be someone watching us and considering to join. This is the audience that should interest me. The engagement with uninterested people can come in other ways.
Pigeon Gillemot on its way from one side of the pier to the other.
Urban wildlife flock to the city because of the opportunities to feed, breed and have shelter. Our ways of building and maintaining the city are not geared towards the well being of wildlife. And yet there are many who find the benefits of our systems. Observation, one of humans' core skills responsible for the achievements of our society allows us to notice the effect of our environment on the one we grew out of.
It always intrigues me to find connections. From the walks with Marylee I am reconnected to the discussion of wildlife in urban settings. Our discussion waves through endless other topics that allow me to weave another set of thoughts into the quilt of a larger story. And it doesn't end there. What remains is a fleeting moment of beauty.
I
grew up sensing that sex is not a topic of discussion. A tension
between fascination and secrecy surrounded any mention of words related
to sex. More than shame, embarrassment was the basic reaction I remember
noticing around me. You just don't talk about it.
When
I was in grade 4 the nurse came to talk with us about puberty. The most
that she managed was to ask the class to be quiet and listen. The
content of her talk has never registered in my memory. Kids around me
were giggling and poking each other. I remember myself as a naive and
curious boy. I wanted to hear a bit about this process that I already
started to feel happening in me. The nurse never covered any topic of
significance. If anything, she might have been just as nervous as the
rest of my class.
My
only claim to knowing better than when I was in grade 4 is having a
grade 5 daughter. When she told me about the nurse that was about to
talk with them about puberty, I thought "What is it about that poor
nurse having to talk with kids in school about sex?".
There
seems to be a social cloudiness surrounding issues of body, sex and
sexuality. Talking about our intimate body areas involves … intimacy;
the emotional journey our kids are going through or are about to go
through is different with every kid and family; the availability of
information today is both a blessing and a risk. In light of the layered
difficulties surrounding the topic, the formal delivery of education
relating to sex and sexuality is probably not enough. It's not that I
have anything against the nurse talking with kids about puberty. From
the handout I saw, it all looked pretty useful.
Then
it struck me. Sex is fun. Sexuality is all about life. The school nurse
usually deals with injuries and emergency. This ties too well with the
apparent difficulty we have in society to discuss the intimate issues of
life. I think we are capable of delivering a much more positive message
to the audience we care most about.
We
don't have to force that message upon them. Usually kids don't talk or
don't want to talk much about what's going on in school. But when they
do try to engage in conversation it looks to me like a good idea to be
prepared. A workshop with a professional sex educator is one way of
having a healthy discussion that can also be fun. We all have different
ways of raising kids. We all have questions and advice. But when it
comes to sex, a professional educator can help in dissolving the cloud
surrounding this topic. The workshop is a stepping stone in a journey
that can be exploratory yet safe.
How
much practice does any of us have in life to talk about sex in a
serious yet fun way? A sex educator has exposure to the experiences of
many people. This exposure allows for uniquely individual questions to
be addressed based on the wealth of a broad reference.
As
I was thinking of raising the issue at our PAC meeting, a quick search
resulted in a variety of options. There are many books out there and
also web pages that provide reviews of such books. When I typed 'sex
educators BC' I didn't have to sift through endless porn sites as I had
anticipated. But then, as the days went by, "my topic" became a news
item. One weekend I read an article by an awarded journalist. The next
weekend covered the Ontario clash around the new Sex Ed curriculum.
Here
in BC, there are already calls to revisit and possibly review it. But
until that happens, parents of kids who are currently in elementary
school need more immediate solutions. We can employ available resources
as a group for the benefit of our own family as well as society at
large.
Instead
of worrying, I observe life as it presents itself to me. My own past is
merely a reference point. When it comes to providing a healthy
launching pad for my daughter, my observations turn into insights and
guidance. Our school and its PAC provide an extended opportunity to
nurture a broader connection. That connection itself provides the base
for the healthy sex ed we are all hoping for.
Marylee and I were discussing a jog one day. In her interest to show me some of the lovely birds you can notice anywhere you go in the city it was just a matter of finding the right day. At about 8 am it takes a while until I manage to board the Skytrain. Then another fifteen minutes pass and I am at the Lonsdale Quay where we get together on a sunny April morning.
Apart from birds, Marylee takes photos and videos of urban action of interest. She is a storyteller, who is busy living her life to the fullest. I have recently helped her set up a blog dedicated to documenting those jogs she takes. Gradually we are going through the various tools in WordPress that allow you to share your stuff out in the world.
A wide variety of landscapes can be experienced when you let yourself wander without constraints of time.
Using the path making tool in Google Maps is not perfect in terms of interface but it works. The first walk we had together turned out to be about 5.5 KM long. Strangely there is a bridge spanning the Mosquito Creek's flow into the bay that is inaccessible to the general public. The Squamish Nation Reserve has private property signs along its roads. As pedestrians we take the liberty to use them instead of the noisy streets surrounding the reserve. We later walk beside the heavy traffic on our way back to the Quay.
If you have patience, you might get a shot of the heron shooting at a stray fish. Not much luck this time for me.
Many ducks can be seen in and out of the water. In the sky you can notice seagulls, crows and ravens. Within the Vancouver Shipyards territory, an eagles' nest can be seen high up atop one of the massive cranes. How well the birds are faring is hard for me to know. Some of the challenges for urban wildlife are documented by organizations such as the Vancouver Avian Research Centre.
At least when this guy moved, the spread of its wings was magnificent.
Our walk continues on the Spirit Trail that has steadily evolved since the first decade of the millennium. The lovely pedestrian bridge over the train tracks takes us to 1st street west, where we head back east. We take one of the patterned crosswalks to get to the north side walk. The traffic is pretty heavy now. We grab a coffee and a tea to chat a bit about Galapagos and Darwin. Marylee is working on the third edition of her book. I am in the middle of reading a biography of Darwin written by Janet Browne.
We called this a Jalk. Marylee is the one of us jogging. For me the pace is quick walking. The point is having a good balance of exercise and companionship. Along the way we enjoy the scenery that is changing as we move in space. Our memories and projections notice the changes that the scenery is going through in time as well.
I got to know of the Spirit Trail through one of my submissions for public art in North Vancouver. The patterned crosswalks are another feature of this city's care for the public realm.
You might not agree with any of the sides in a debate
as much as you support one. The teachers' strike that started in June 2014
lasted into October. This was a grim reminder for parents of their helplessness in the power struggles between
the politics of society and the politics of its unions. Finally when teachers
were back in class the sense of relief was accompanied by renewed awareness: we
- parents - have a considerable responsibility to keep our eyes open to make
sure our interests are not compromised. A few years ago when our daughter was in grade three
we’ve already had a short exchange with her teacher. Last year, with another teacher, there wasn’t
much discussion on that topic but we had a sense that there’s still something going
on. Not too bad: our daughter is really careful and responsible. When it comes
to school and candies, school and sweets, I’ve noticed that the challenge of
keeping our kids away from stuffing themselves is a complex one. We have
Halloween and Christmas, this event and that. And we have teachers handing
candies as rewards in class. I’m sure we all want to see our kids encouraged by
their educators to excel. But again, I don’t enjoy the realization that candies
are used as rewards by teachers. For me and my wife candies and sweets should
stay out of the toolbox. When I say toolbox, I mean the various methods
teachers use to engage with students in class. I would be more than happy to realize all parents,
staff and admin agree with us. However, reality usually has its own way of
living. There is a debate over this issue that can be seen through quick
browsing on the web. The following is a small sampling. “As parents, we help our kids develop the lens
through which they see food. Will they see snacks as something to do when they
watch TV or are bored or will they snack as a way to refuel between meals? Will
they seek sweets as a reward for their hard work or look for other constructive
ways to feel good?” (source)
"Giving children candy as a reward is like
saying, ‘Here is something that is not very healthy for you as a reward for
being good.’ Does this make sense?” (source)
Many kids, maybe to a degree all kids, see school and
teachers as a source of authority even if one to challenge. The use of candy as
reward is nutritionally unhealthy and morally questionable. Rewarding with
candy can backfire on many levels in the future. However, my guess is that this
topic is one that parents and educators alike are a bit confused with, maybe
embarrassed or even unaware of its importance.
Nevertheless keeping this discussion open and ongoing
is an opportunity to better understanding between us, members of a fragmented
community with a mutual interest: successful growth and development of our kids.
I was halfway through a mosaic laying workshop discussing the fascinating aspects of creating a story through one by one laying of tiles on the concrete surface. As part of my routine I turned to one of the kids and asked him: “what’s the story in your tile?” His response illustrated exactly what Yoko had described as the challenge of working with youth: “whatever…” he said with the most lifeless look on his face.
They’re bored; they’re all over the place; they always want to do something other than what you were committed to deliver. “How do you spell whatever?!” I asked him with surprising breathless enthusiasm. In retrospect I couldn’t really explain where my outburst came from. His response was “aahm, doubleyoo, ‘H’, ‘A’…, whatever…”. So I had to conclude with “Good Job! I almost got you there!”.
Putting this experience in writing reminds me that face to face communications lives in a different universe than that of letters and text. In the written space, texting, typing or messaging have a life of their own. Whoever the recipient might be, my words arrive at the other side without facial expressions and no sounds. I can send an innocent “What’s up?” to my sister and hear the explosions from the other side of the world in a matter of minutes. Or never hear from her ever again.
Sometimes every breath we take is loaded with food for interpretations. When I was a teenager I had realized that no matter what I do or say there is always someone who will be upset. My conclusion was to do whatever felt right to me. If any explanations will be needed afterwards, so be it. You have to trust your own intentions.
Communications can be an adventure. There are people who prefer to avoid confrontation. I can envy them for their choice of calm and composure. Most of the time my patience is that of an educator. Occasionally though I feel like it is that of a rebel: why should I wait till tomorrow for the action that could have been taken yesterday?! But people need their own time to join a "revolution". Put the wrong pressure and something will break. Fixing what went wrong then takes place instead of any sense of progress. Without prior intentions I become a rescue expedition to outer space.
The mosaic workshops were mostly grounded in and around community centers. No extraterrestrial adventures
here. The boy who got the attention he needed continued to work on his tile with a new sense of commitment. Whatever he texted to his friends afterwards I have no idea…
